I am writing this, reflecting on six months of making music – yet is this what I’ve been doing? I’m not sure – but I want to explore…
In the summer of 2024, my wife’s physical and mental health took a serious decline; at an alarming, confusing, and unpredictable rate. New symptoms appeared almost daily. She blacked-out regularly. Sleep became scarce, for us both. I was struggling to care for her.
She began journaling and writing down what was going on – as a cry for help or desperation to try to understand. A long list of symptoms – a very long list. And then her brother suggested – why not put it into Suno? Suno? What on earth is Suno? A site where AI turns your words into songs, he replied. Hmm…
She gave it a try. It made her smile. It made me smile. A little light stirred into the darkness. Humour breaks into even the darkest of places – ‘bananabrainsigon’ became a thing!
I watched from the side-lines over the coming weeks, as the deterioration continued, but the songs kept coming, offering moments of respite, relief and release. A chance to express and confess. The poet and writer within me was stirring again. I had much I wanted to say, much I needed to say…
Early October 2024, I wrote my first song lyric… “Who’s Still Standing?” In truth, my wife rarely, me barely. A chorus and verses, scribbled in notebook, hacked around with, hum a vague tune in my head, mull over genre to reflect the way I am feeling, my emotional state. Type it up on my phone, copy and paste into my Suno account. Two versions generated. Press play on my own mental state…
Who’s still standing? Who’s still standing?
I was instantly hooked. I love to write. I love to express. And life was a mess. I had so much I needed to confess. The words began pouring – morning, noon and night – especially the night. I always have a block of postit notes beside my bed, and have learnt the art of writing in the dark, with my eyes half-closed. Each morning I had around thirty new postits to try to decipher. Notebooks were filling fast. I longed to learn my craft – sought YouTube tutorials on song writing.
I began to think in albums, in the same way as I think in books when I’ve been writing poetry. A collection, a theme, a core message to hang songs together in. And not just one album, but many, as the mind began to wander. And yet, all the while, I wrestled with what this was I was creating… I have good friends that are musicians, and I never wanted to be disrespectful to their craft, their effort, their purity of creation. However, I cannot play an instrument, and can barely hold a tune, but have always dreamt of creating my own songs. I have craved the campfire or around the piano, musical moments, sharing the joy of singing and crafting together.
The first track of my first album birthed out of these wrestles… “H.I.” In it, I recognise the imperfection of what I am doing, yet long for my creative expression to find its voice in a way that my poetry or children’s books have been unable to find. Within this imperfection, I felt I was finding my calling, my passion, my voice.
H.I.
this begins with an apology
to all the real musicians
but it’s fulfilling my ambition
as my lyrics find their mission
these lyrics seek their mission
the tunes may be A.I.
but the lyrics shout H.I.
they’re here, so don’t be shy
don’t question every why
let’s give this life a try
say hi – say hi – say hi
I crave collaboration. I long for these songs (that I see as mere demos) to grow into something beautiful, crafted by real human musicians. If that’s you, I’d love to talk more…
In the midst of this creative outpouring, my wife’s health continued to deteriorate. The ambulance was called, but A&E was not the place she needed. There were blackouts within doctor’s waiting rooms, and in early November a hospital admission; that rolled past Christmas and totalled eight weeks. I was heartbroken, frightened and alone. The song writing had been a mixed blessing in those final days. I walked away from it. I blamed it for some of her decline.
I still journaled. I was journaling with Jesus, as I began to name it. Every morning he was my comfort, my solace, my strength, my wisdom, my friend. As I look back, I don’t believe I would have got through without him. He was very loving and kind about my lyric writing. He encouraged me to take a break from it, but affirmed my talent, and promised that its time would come again…
And as my wife’s health slowly improved, that became the end of 2024. I was motivated to write her a love album, to aid recovery – “Loving You Better”. Hannah came out of hospital on New Year’s Eve, as the opening track of the album celebrates.
And into the early months of 2025, the blessings of lyric writing have continued to multiply, into new exciting and far-reaching directions. I write much to support my wife’s mental health (and indeed my own) leading to the recent album “Beautiful Thoughts”.
I love writing songs for friends – often quite cheeky ones! These have included Father Flynn (for a massive Father Ted fan) Independent Trotters (for a couple with the same surname as Del Boy) and Hannsta (for my wife celebrating her animal impressions) in the ever-growing playlist, “Let’s All Be Friends”.
I adore nature, and our beautiful surroundings, and many of my songs reflect this. As a gift to my Mum for Mother’s Day, I wrote her a 15-track album, reflecting her love of birds, called “Bird’s Eye View”.
So, while I recognise the imperfections in partnering with A.I. in this creative process, I feel I remain at the heart of it. And more importantly, that my heart to bless others through my creativity is not only intact, but growing.
This is written with openness, honesty and love, just as I long my lyrics to be…